This journal is the story of one persons use of Salvia
Divinourm as a teacher on the path of sorcery as
defined in the Carlos Castaneda series. Throughout
this journal I will be freely using terms such as
"assemblage point," "second attention," etc.. which
are defined in Casteneda's books. I'm using these
terms because they do a good job of describing these
things.

However, I want to make it clear that I am not a
Castaneda "groupie." I don't believe any of this crap
until I experience it. And neither should you.

I am taking the attitude that everything in the books
is true. My reasoning is as follows. Suppose I live in
a primitive society where they don't have say -
gunpowder. The thought of a substance that looks like
dirt exploding when touched by a spark is preposterous
to my thinking. However, that should not keep me from
trying to make some of the stuff if someone gives me
detailed instructions. I'll make the stuff and decide
for myself if it works.

I am writing this for many reasons. Foremost, this
writing is an exercise in memory. One of the things I
have learned is that exercising memory is perhaps the
greatest tool to anyone who decides to journey on the
sorcery path. Since I am going to the trouble to write
a journal, I had the thought that I might as well make
it available online. Why is memory important? Simple.
Sorcery is foremost an exercise in moving one's
assemblage point. Remembering is the act of moving
one's assemblage point. Very slightly of course, more
like a slight shift - but it's exercise non-the-less.
Remember things. Get used to moving that assemblage
point around.

Someone may benefit from this. Someone may be amused
by my ramblings. And of course there is the curiosity
factor. Who knows what crazy shit I might end up
experiencing. I could even go insane. That alone would
be worth following this journal.

I do not believe in the use of Power Plants. From past
experience I judge them to be injurious to the body
and of little use in obtaining any lasting knowledge.
Salvia divornium is not like any typical power plant.
It is so mellow to the body and mind that I really
don't think it belongs in the power plant category.

I am of the guarded opinion that Salvia is almost a
miracle substance when it comes to advancing on the
sorcery path. The Salvia experience is short and it
starts and stops almost instantly, while your
reasoning process stays intact. If you shut off your
internal dialog while in Salvia world, (and this is
relatively easy to do) it stays shut off as soon as
you transition back to the normal world. This is a
fabulous tool. Salvia is like training wheels. You
need them to get started, but take them off and you
are sill riding the bike.



First Experience -

I had tried Salvia several times with no great effect.
However I have always been sensitive to the effects of
any drug and I noticed an increase in energy for
several days afterward. One particular evening I
decided to smoke some Salvia extract to try to get
some of the drug into my system as I was after that
increased energy effect.

I ignored all the Salvia "advice" which generally
consists of: do it in a dark quiet room, and have a
sitter present. To my shock, in an instant my entire
world collapsed. Somehow I managed to sit down. The
world actually looked the same it's just that all the
shields I had developed over time had vanished in an
instant. I can't explain how potentially terrifying
this was. In Castaneda terms I was completely
surrounded by the "nagual." My tonal was mostly gone.
It is just too much input. This is why they say to do
Salvia in the dark and quiet. The only thing that kept
me from freaking out was my rock climbing experience.
Some part of me rises to the occasion and actually
seems to thrive in terrifying situations. I heard a
voice in my head telling me to go lie down in a dark
room. After I did this the terror went away.

Second Experience -

This time I do it sitting in my bed in the dark. At
first I start to feel a bit of that terrifying
sensation (which is now, unfortunately ,a memory
associated with the Salvia world) but then a voice, a
female voice whispers into my left ear that everything
is going to be all right. This causes me a tremendous
feeling of exhilaration and I experience the first
example of "knowledge pouring." This is the term I use
to describe the sensation when all the bottled up
knowledge of the "second attention" is suddenly
available. At first it was like a bubble of feeling in
the pit of my stomach. The bubble burst and the
feeling was converted into words I could understand.
Later, it became more like a flood gate is opening and
the knowledge is pouring into you from some vast
unlimited source. And the second attention knows
everything, of this I have no doubt The main gist of
the information is how to use Salvia to access
sorcerer knowledge. It is simplicity itself. Overcome
fear, overcome clarity by turning off the internal
dialog, and overcome power by maintaining a sense of
calm indifference. If you use Salvia and follow these
steps, the knowledge of the second attention is yours
for the taking.

In fact, if you ever find yourself in a sorcery
situation in which you don't know what to do, just do
the steps.

Third experience -

I do Salvia, I do the steps, I am flooded with so much
knowledge so fast that I actually hold my head in my
hands and say "too much too fast." Later I learned
that Salvia "listened." Never again does knowledge
pouring occur. From know on it's one lesson at a time.

4 /17/99

While standing in line at the local supermarket I
decide to stop the world. I don't know why I know that
this will be so easy but I do it effortlessly. As I
start this I have a hint of pseudo fear as I realize
that the world is going to look completely different
in a few seconds.This thought immediately disappears
as I realize that I am the one in control of this, not
some drug. After about a minute of internal silence
and the interesting sensations that accompany it, the
cashier at the express lane declares that someone
should come over as there is no line there. After an
instants deliberation (calculating my position in
line, how much over 5 items I have, etc.) I move over.
After leaving the market I have a burst of knowledge.
In this state of inner silence I am functioning with
the thoughts of a warrior. Everything is a battle
ground and every decision is carefully weighted and
calculated as though my life depended on it. When the
time comes to act I proceed with total confidence and
no hesitation. I realize that to think like a warrior
is the natural "thought" process for all animals. It
simply is the most efficient way to interact with the
world around us. Because of the constant verbal
silliness that usually occur as part of our internal
dialog, it is often difficult to act as a "warrior."
The "warrior" thoughts are there, it's just that there
are so many other banalities, fears, prejudice, etc.,
in there that the warrior thoughts get overwhelmed.
These inanities do nothing but comfort us.

4/18

After a certain amount of inner silence has been
acquired it becomes easier and easier for that to
become your natural state. The second attention, or
that part of you that is not your internal dialog,
seems to acquire awareness through the course of time
spent in inner silence. As that awareness increases,
it is able to "listen" to the internal dialog and what
it hears is some pretty crappy stuff. Because it is
crappy, it is easy to stop, and is replaced with the
mood of the warrior. What I mean by your natural state
is not that there isn't "any" internal dialog any
more. The inner dialog required for problem solving,
general thinking, writing, etc. is still there and
functional. It is just that the constant "useless"
internal dialog is revealed for what it really is. A
waste of energy that is only there for comforting,
sort of like mindless TV. It appears that inner
silence leads to the mood of the warrior. I had always
thought that to live as a warrior required great
effort and that would lead to inner silence. To live
as a warrior is the easiest thing in the world because
it is our natural state, and the end result of
accumulating inner silence.

4/20

Wow, the lesson for next couple of days seems to be
intent. I ingest a different strain of Salvia. This
strain is wild raised in Mexico. It is a bit stronger
than the the previous Hawaiian raised strain I
received from Daniel Siebert. But the amazing thing is
that it is completely different in mood or "intent."

When ingesting Salvia the effects are very strong and
can be quite extraordinarily strange. This period
which lasts about 5 minutes is what I like to think of
as the "entrance fee." It is not particularly pleasant
and I try my best to not dwell on it or get too
wrapped up in the sensations that accompany it. The
"magical" part of Salvia comes after this strong
effect wears off and you feel like yourself again. At
this point, the "second" or "dreaming" attention
becomes a much greater part of your consciousness,
especially if you strive for inner silence during the
strange stage.

The Mexican wild strain leaves me with a completely
different mood than the other strain. The wild strain
leaves me with a much more somber, practical mood
where as the other strain left a lighter, more
playful, and more intelligent feeling. I realize I am
detecting the "intent" of the plant, or the person who
raised or gathered it, or both. I seem to be detecting
the difference in feeling between a wild creature and
a well cared for "pet." The somber, practical mood is
closer to the intent of the "ancient sorcerers" that
Don Juan spoke of so often.

The "second" attention is very susceptible to karma or
"intent" as defined in the Castaneda series. I first
noticed this while rock climbing at a popular climbing
area. There are various climbs that seem to exude bad
"karma." These climbs tend to be routes that have an
easy grade but tend to be somewhat awkward or not
obvious. What happens is that beginning climbers get
on them and don't have a good time and leave a lot of
fear karma or "intent" behind.

I have had the opportunity to climb many "first
ascents" or routes that no one has climbed before. I
have never noticed any particular karma on any of
these occasions so this has given me an unique
opportunity to notice the karma feelings at popular
climbing areas as not part of my self or the rock but
as something left by other climbers.

While rock climbing, the mind is required to think as
a "warrior" or you simply don't get up. You are almost
required to curtail your internal dialog to succeed.
In fact, the very act of climbing a cliff seems to
"shock" the normal internal dialog which leaves your
"second attention" free to take on a greater role.
This seems to leave you more susceptible to "intent."

4/21

In the morning I have the first dream in which I
"know" I am dreaming. I am at a beach that I remember
visiting in dreams many times before. I am watching
the waves when I notice that one wave seems to
"freeze" in place for a moment while it is breaking. I
immediately realize that this doesn't happen in the
normal world so I must be dreaming. I wish I had
remembered to look at my hands but instead I
remembered to just glance at things without staring,
so I walk around glancing at objects. Later I seem to
wake and feel disappointed because I no longer seem to
be dreaming. I can stare at objects and they don't
change. Imagine my shock when I actually do wake up
and realize that I was dreaming the whole time. This
dream was as real as the world around me.

4/22

I have very vivid dreams all night. I speak with 2
entities. One in the form of an old girlfriend. The
other a large imposing biker type person. I interact
with the biker guy quite a bit. He is sort of bullying
me but also sort of teaching me. I end up in an attic
cluttered with many of my old possessions and I marvel
at the clarity as I examine the items. This lesson is
almost too obvious. I need to recapitulate my feelings
for the old girlfriend and clean out the rest of the
clutter in my mind.

4/24

On schedule, I've had very vivid dreams every night
now. I do manage to see my hands in a dream although
it's a very strange affair. I reach into this crate
and get this spider web like substance onto my right
hand. I causes my hand to go numb so I quickly wash
the substance off. I spend a very long time scrubbing
the stuff off my hand with hospital-like completeness.

For the first time in a while, I decide to spend an
entire day socializing.I want to see Bethany, a woman
whom I hardly know, only briefly haven spoken to her
on 2 occasions. For some reason though, she seems so
completely different from everyone I have ever met in
my life that I am very curious to get to know her. I
have a very strong "intent" to speak to her. I drive
to a rock climbing area and low and behold she is
there, but is leaving, says she will be at bar x that
night. After climbing I drive into town and decide to
eat at Arbys. Bethany walks by the window I am sitting
at. Later I go to a friends house who is having sort
of a heavy metal party as they have formed a band sort
of as a joke (sort of a Spinal Tap thing). Before they
start to play I have an urge to go to bar x. I quickly
drive there, walk into the bar and although my
intellect tells me to systematically search the place
I walk over to an obscure corner and walk right up to
Bethany, have a short conversation and promptly leave
- my intent fulfilled.

I know, probably coincidence? But I have a strange
feeling of being pulled to each of these destinations.
It is though I have this intent, I wait, and then
after a while a thought tells me to act accordingly.
And the strangest part is after I run into her on each
of these occasions, I don't feel the slightest bit of
surprise, but more a sensation of "of course." I also
realize that this is something that must be done with
complete "controlled folly." I sense that using
"intent" to fulfill any sort of selfish desire would
lead to being sucked into something morbid with a
consequent loss of freedom.

Power is the third enemy of a man of knowledge.

I am starting to notice the first "side effect" of all
this. My typing seems to be full of mistakes. I
realize it is a left body right body thing. My timing
seems to be off and I sometimes strike a left (or
right) key before a right (or left) one which results
in a interposition of letters - dog sometimes comes
out dgo.

4/26

I intend to stop having these vivid dreams, and they
stop. I need a break. I realize just how much normal
dreams ground you, and right now I need some
grounding.

4/27

Out of curiosity, I try some Calea or "dream herb." I
tried this before but I had done Salvia the same day
and want to try it "bare" to confirm my suspicions
about what the plant does. Of course this doesn't make
sense if I want to curtail my dreaming for a while but
I have this feeling that this will be the right thing
to do. The first time I tried Calea I smoked a good
bit and it seemed to relax me a bit and give me a
feeling of well being but this was a very subtle
thing. When I tried to sleep all hell broke loose. As
I began to fall asleep and feel that transition as the
first attention wanes and the second attention begins
to take over, I am horrified to find that the second
attention is stoned out of its mind. It feels like
about 20 hits of acid with just sort of an
overpowering roaring white noise in the brain. I
quickly shift back to the first attention to get out
of this and just as quickly the effect stops.

This time I don't smoke nearly as much and put on my
thinking cap to figure this plant out. Again a feeling
of relaxed well being, but when I try to sleep, again
the second attention is stoned, although much more
manageable this time. I actually recall hallucinating
in the second attention. A blank screen in front of me
comes alive with bubbles that burst into wildly
colorful trails. How strange. This is definitely a
power plant with strong effects where you seem to go
along for the ride. But it does nothing to the "first
attention" or your normal waking state. Why would you
want a drug that only affects the second attention
this way? The next morning though I feel very
refreshed and very grounded. Apparently it was the
effect I needed.

4/28

So far, Salvia has never failed to teach me something
on each encounter. Tonight I relive the events of 4/24
and formulate the lessons taught to me that day. That
morning I remember definitely wanting to somehow run
into Bethany and ask her if she wants to go climbing
sometime. After I leave the place I work, about a mile
down the road I suddenly realize that I don't remember
if I locked the door. I have quite a mental "battle"
weighing the pros and cons of whether to go back and
check. I turn around to check, thinking what possible
difference could a few minutes make. I realize now
that that particular thought was a joke, it would have
made a tremendous difference. When I arrive at the
climbing area which is on top of a ridge, Bill is just
walking up to the point I am at. I climb with him a
bit and find out that a bunch of my friends are along
down the ridge to the north so I go north and spend an
hour climbing with them. If I had shown up a minute
earlier Bill would not have been there and I would
have gone south down the ridge where I would have run
into Bethany and had plenty of time to talk to her.
Missed opportunity #1. At Arbys, when Bethany walked
by, I should have walked out. That would have been the
perfect time to talk to her. I was frozen in my
location by the food I am eating. It simply didn't
occur to me to leave my half eaten food there and go
talk to her. Quite stupid, selfish, insane of me to
succumb to the thought that I need to finish my
dinner.

4/30

I am starting to remember old dreams. This is the
strangest thing. I've had many "reoccurring" dreams
that almost always involve a specific place, and I am
starting to remember them as vividly as the memories
of places in the real world.

5/1

I can't believe how stupid I am. I have another dream
where I see my hands. It is a very long, complex dream
but at the end of it I am riding on a large power
boat, and the person "driving" the boat becomes
seasick and vomits in a bucket. I dump the bucket
overboard and in the process get some vomit on my
hands. Of course this draws my attention to hands but
I am too stupid to realize the importance of this. If
you think about it, the only time you really give your
undivided attention to your hands is when you get
something on them, and the more obnoxious the
substance the more your "attention" is drawn to the
incident. I've had 2 dreams now where this has
happened to me. Something is trying it's best to help
me notice my hands in a dream and I seem to be too
stupid to take advantage of it by realizing I am
dreaming.

There are 2 very important times where I find I can be
dreaming in the second attention yet be conscious that
I dreaming. These moments occur right before I fall
asleep, and when I wake up but before I drag myself
out of bed. Before I started this adventure, these 2
times where characterized by "fuzzy" consciousness at
best. Now, it is like there is no transition between
awake and dreaming states. I am awake, and a moment
later I find myself in a vivid dream state.

All my dreams are in vivid color. I think this started
after I started practicing tensegrity. I had the
thought the other day that this is a good indication
of the level of available energy.

5/2

WORDS HAVE POWER! The very process of speaking in
sorcery terms brings about the development of those
processes described. For instance, speaking and
thinking about your "second attention" makes it easier
to utilize the second attention. Speaking about your
assemblage point shifting makes it easier to actually
shift your assemblage point, and become aware of when
your assemblage point shifts.

Believe it or not we are creatures of words. When you
learn how to drive, you actually end up saying to
yourself "now I need to slow down and I do that by
putting my foot on the brake pedal." You actually
utter these thoughts in your head. This takes time for
these thoughts to be voiced and to actually register
in the brain. This is the reason why beginning drivers
are so jerky with their driving movements. It takes
time to voice and understand the words so there is no
smoothness in the process. It's like trying to do 2
things at once - your attention constantly is
switching back and forth. A little bit here, a little
bit there. Only after you are comfortable with driving
do you start not using the words. Only then does the
"first attention" which is self important and jealous
and petty, give up control of driving to the second
attention. The second attention actually does a pretty
good job of driving.

Its all about PG Wodehouse! Jeeves is the second
attention, the butler who knows every thing and
actually does all the important work. However, he is
relegated to the realm of the servant, who must carry
out the needs of the selfish, egotistical, relatively
stupid master which represents the first attention.

5/4

Boy, am I dense. Again, something is steering my
dreams to point out my hands. Last night I had a dream
where I bought some balloons and blew one up, and then
I had to tie the balloon with my fingers, which is
something that I was never good at and had to devote
an unusual amount of attention to. The balloon
eventually deflated but I declined to blow it up again
even though something told me I should do this. I had
a dream on 4/30 where I was a taxi cab driver. There
was this cool meter that I actually examined with my
hands to see how it worked, moving knobs and levers
with my fingers. In the dream I had to count out some
change for one of my riders. I remember in both of
these instances I had a slight feeling of exhilaration
but apparently this wasn't enough for me to realize I
was dreaming and seeing my hands but I was close. I
took it for granted I was seeing my hands.

The technique for seeing the hands may not be enough
for me to realize I am dreaming.I can see how in some
people, seeing your hands is enough of a shock to get
you to realize you are dreaming. In the dream I had
with the wave breaking, when the wave "paused" for a
second it threw me into a state of wonder, I had an
intense sensation of exhilaration. This was enough for
me to "stop the world" in the "second attention" so I
could view things objectively instead of being
encompassed by everything. Stopping the world in the
first attention enables you to break the fixation we
normally have and step back to actually see the world
for how it is (I realize this is a simplification, how
the world is depends on the position of the assemblage
point). You also need to "stop the world" in the
second attention. I don't remember reading about this
in any of the books.

You need to shut off your second attentions equivalent
of internal dialog to be able to step out of the dream
attention so you can view things objectively. The
second attention can be a dangerous thing. In a very
vivid dream last night. I remember being angry at an
old girl friend who broke up with me. I wasn't so much
angry but hurt, and I was telling her my feelings in a
loud emotional tone. She wasn't getting my message but
was frightened by the intensity of my feelings. Her
fright seemed to feed the emotions. And they grew more
powerful. You can't have any of these feelings if you
are going to develop the second attention As you begin
to store and have access to power, the second
attention can turn into this big powerful thing that
needs to be reigned in. Controlled folly and calm
indifference to the dealings of the world is the only
thing that can keep the second attention in check.

5/7

As if on cue, every night I have a dream where I see
my hands. Something seems to be directing my dreams to
include activities that require me to focus on my
hands. In one dream for some reason I have to write a
check. In another very complex dream I am a jogger and
I end up hitting a scary guy who is following me in
his car. Later the guy turns up dead. There is a
scientific inquiry as to what happened to the guy. I
am wondering if I had killed him but I remember that I
hit him with my hands and I state to the members of
the inquiry that the guy was obviously hit on the head
with an axe or something where a I had only hit him
with my HANDS. This is starting to get to be
ridiculous. How many possible ways are there to point
out your hands in a dream. I keep seeing my hands but
I don't seem to have the energy to realize the
significance of it.

5/8

Last night I've had some sort of dreaming
breakthrough. I recall with vivid clarity the actual
process of entering a very vivid dream in which I know
I am dreaming. I actually feel myself entering into
the dream state with the same awareness I use in the
everyday world. In the dream there was this
cylindrical device that opened up like a book and had
a very interesting clasp mechanism to close the
device. It was not a device of this world but I have
the insight that it is a future device or from a
different world. I remember thinking that if I could
figure out how the clasp mechanism worked I could
bring this knowledge to my world. I start viewing my
surroundings. I am sitting cross-legged in a dark room
with one overhead light. I am holding this cylindrical
device which is about the size of a rifle. I examine
the device, and am amazed that I can feel the object
with my hands and it is solid. It strikes me how
familiar this scene is, it reminders me of when I used
to disassemble my M-16 when I was in the army. I
recall that this would be an excellent dreaming
exercise if I could intend that device to be an M-16.
That way I could use my vivid recollection of
disassembling that rifle to create a virtual M-16.
Part of me wants to go exploring in that world
however. I am about to get up and walk around when I
have the realization that I don't have the energy to
do this. What is more scary though is the thought that
there is nothing to explore in this world, only
darkness. Especially behind me. Behind me is infinity.

Remembering this dreaming situation is very confusing
for me. This dream appears to have occurred in the
middle of another dream. This other dream was a very
strange and realistic dream but I don't know that I am
dreaming in that dream. I am in a house with lots of
relatives. I remember making a phone call to relatives
who's names I don't know but still having a
conversation with them. I interact with familiar
relatives and especially my young niece. The strange
part of this dream is that my father was not acting
like my father and part of me was extremely defensive
and hostile toward him. I remember feeling a lot of
love for my young niece and I think this is where the
other dream (in which I know I am dreaming) started.

(in hindsight it appears I followed a scout)

In this dream, after I decide not to explore the world
around me, I somehow end up back in the other dream
only it is much later and time to go to bed. I am in
the same house and it is definitely the same dream. I
have the sneaking suspicion that both dreams actually
occurred at the same time, but I remembered them with
two different attentions and I couldn't remember or
experience both dreams simultaneously.

This is very confusing.

When I wake up I have the same sensation I did when I
had the other dream when I knew I was dreaming. No
morning tiredness. I feel as though I had been awake
for hours. I didn't like this feeling. It felt so
unnatural that I forced myself to go back to sleep so
I could wake up normally.

5/10/25

Another dream where I use my hands. I am wiring up a
small light bulb to a AA battery. I works, the light
bulb comes on. I'm rather surprised at the detail in
this dream. I test the current by touching the wires
together and get some small sparks. In one of my
dreams this night the zinc "entity" shows up. Not
surprising as I took some zinc before bed. Let me
explain. Back in February I got very sick with the
flu. I couldn't eat for 3 days and I made the mistake
of taking a bunch of zinc tablets on a very empty
stomach. I suspect the zinc reacted with the HCl in my
stomach to make a very noxious substance. Before I
threw up though I had a very intense hallucination in
which the zinc atom or entity showed up. The zinc atom
is a very simple entity and con only do one thing.
Turn it's head 90 degrees. Actually the zinc entity is
nothing but a head as it sort of looks like a pac man
creature. Anyway, tonight it showed up in a dream and
low and behold it did what the zinc entity does - it
turned it's head 90 degrees. In this dream it was
actually kind of cute. In the hallucination it was
horrifying in it's single-minded directness.

5/26

Before I go to sleep I remember a dream from my
childhood and some dreams I had the other night.
Tonight I have a dream where I look at a wall covered
with what appears to be wooden signs with different
words written on them. I am perplexed that I can
actually stare at the words and they don't change.
Usually in dreams I could never begin to read anything
because as soon as I stare the dream changes. I don't
recognize any of the words on the wall though - the
are in a different language. One of the words catches
my attention though so I remember it. The word is
ALLIE.

I smoke some Salvia tonight. Not a large amount
though. Previously Salvia has been pretty much an on
off thing. Smoking more just makes the experience last
longer and perhaps a little deeper but it is not much
different than smoking the critical amount needed to
cause altered perception.

Now I am starting to experience Salvia as a gradual
thing and I am noticing the effect of smaller doses.

I am beginning to understand "alignment." Alignment is
a term used quite often in the Castaneda books. Until
you actually experience it though it is just a word.
Once you experience it, the word makes sense although
I'm not quite sure I can explain it. Alignment is
alignment. It is sort of an angle thing. I probably
wouldn't have noticed it were it not for the fact that
fate had me playing with a compound miter saw today. I
was wracking my brain trying to figure out how to cut
some complicated angles steeper than the ones allowed
by the saw and was really becoming one with geometry
(I am making a geodesic dome).

I think I am beginning to understand how Salvia works.
Normally your perception or assemblage point is
"aligned" with it's habitual position and your
internal dialog is an integral part of that. You don't
really notice any great "gulf" between your perception
(or better put, the part you know as "you") and your
internal dialog. They are aligned. It is like they are
in the same car going on a long trip together. After
spending so much time together they are pretty much
completely intertwined, like an old married couple.

Salvia changes that alignment. And by alignment I mean
alignment. I "saw" the words in my head from a slight
angle. This is an incredible teaching tool. For some
reason, once the alignment of your internal dialog is
changed, you are "free" from it. But it is still
there. You can listen to it. Understand it. Probe your
weaknesses. Modify it. And something else becomes
available that is normally overwhelmed by the internal
dialog. I suppose this is the voice of the second
attention. This part of you knows everything and
enables you to "teach" your internal dialog anything
it needs to know. All because the angle is slightly
different.

6/1

I went on a climbing trip to Seneca rocks over the
weekend. Sleeping outside under the stars is an
exquisite sensation. A most bizarre thing happens.
While staring at a star I have the feeling of it being
in constant motion even though it is not moving at
all. Before falling asleep I have feeling of spinning,
like part of my being is connected to a vast spinning
whirlpool. This must be that circular force of the
right body as explained in one of the books. Tonight
while standing in line in Walmart the guy in front of
me is fidgeting. I immediately recognize his motions a
being controlled by - or an extension of, this
circular force. As soon as I have this thought The guy
stops moving completely and seems to have become
entranced in some bizarre thought. I have the feeling
that my "seeing" of him has affected him on some
level.

6/2/99

Tonight Salvia taught me several meditation positions.
I was sitting cross legged and felt compelled to place
my hands in certain positions. The result of holding
my hands in these positions was a sense of profound
well being. I could hold these positions for extended
periods of time yet remain perfectly motionless. Cool.

6/17

I know I haven't written in this journal in a while.
That doesn't mean anything hasn't happened. I have an
intense deja vu while watching someone build a stairs.
I "know" what it means. In the past or in a dream (in
the second attention) I have glimpsed the future. The
future is now. The deja vu is like some sort of
magical moment where for a brief instance there exists
a connection, like a worm-hole, that links a past
dream with a present time. The deja view does not
occur during a significant event - I know that will
come later. It is a precursor, a foreshadowing. Unlike
in the past where deja vu's were just feelings, this
one brings information. Because of my increased
connection to the second attention I know what this
deja vu means. If I had the "speed" to remember the
complete amount of information that came across the
deja vu I would know exactly what it means. What I do
know is that something will happen soon that will
greatly impact my life - and not in a completely
favorable way. In a few minutes that thing happens. My
plans for the weekend abruptly change. I had planed to
go south to climb with friends. Now it turns out I am
going north, on a climbing trip and also to deliver
Bethany to her job in new Hampshire. I briefly
considering backing out because of the deja vu but
then realize that this is set in stone and the only
thing I can do is follow this path impeccably.

Brief synopsis of the trip. I meet someone, Sean who
is also going. Curiously Sean and Bethany are both
Libras. On this climbing trip I slept outside. This
time I go to sleep right under a mountain laurel bush.
Or I try to go asleep. When I feel the second
attention starting it is immediately a dreamy
hallucination where I am in "contact" with the bush.
It makes no sense because the plants consciousness is
totally foreign to me but I do recognize it as coming
from the bush because it is just so damn woody.

The trip goes well. Much good climbing. At Mount
Washington we do Salvia at night under the sparkling
of fireflies. Afterward, I skip rocks in the nearby
river with Sean. This is the same river that I had
been knocked into on an ice climbing trip last winter.
Twice, in less than 2 minutes, I had been knocked into
this river by 2 water sign friends who loose control
of large logs we had been using to try to build a
bridge. It was a very strange omen for me. The next
day I solo climb up an unknown put relatively easy
cliff. This does a marvelous job of shutting off my
internal dialog and while walking down I have much
"knowledge pouring." I now understand the "intent" of
language and how words are gateways to "intent."
Language is not the same thing today as it was when it
was first developed. I now realize that words to
ancient man carried far more "intent" than they do
today. Back then words were truly magical things -
they really did have power. Modern sorcerers can
strive to reclaim that lost "intent." I realize that
this may not make a lot of sense. Hopefully I may have
the power later to do a better job of explaining it.

On the way back from the trip the "unfavorable" thing
happens. My engine blows up. My life has now
significantly changed as I need to figure out a way to
get this car back to State College. As a consequence
of this event I later find myself at a Salvia "party."
About 8 individuals are introduced to Salvia by me. It
is a very powerful event. One of the surprising things
is how someone relates to me how he had the sensation
of other "people" that are somehow connected to him
and he had the thought that he didn't want them to
know that he was feeling so "altered." I've had
exactly the same sensation. Who the hell are these
"people?" I've got the feeling the people may be
inorganic beings. More dreaming hand weirdness. The
new things I do with my hands are: digging in the
dirt, showing someone how to walk up to a wild cat
outside by engaging it's curiosity by making a
peculiar finger tapping on the ground, and picking
tomatoes.

I find myself often using the hand positions Salvia
taught me as they are an extremely effective way of
shutting off my internal dialog.

6/18

Another hand dream, playing a game where I grab
someone's hand under a tent to see if he can pull it
out.

I don't feel completely normal today - sort of a vague
dissociation which I know is the result of to much
"power." I know it is the result of doing very large
amounts of Salvia the day before. However, I know
instinctively what to do about it. I need to gain
knowledge over power. It is sort of difficult to
describe how to do this as it is something you do with
a thought/feeling that occurs in your head. The best
way to describe the sensation is to raise your
consciousness above the "feeling" of power. Almost
like you need to look down on the feeling. It works.
My mood changes almost instantly to a happy, sober,
self-confident, "light" state that I have been
cultivating as part of cleansing my tonal. I perform
tensegrity to solidify this mood.

6/22

Returned from another climbing trip where the goal was
also to retrieve my car. Again, more strangeness while
sleeping outside. This incident shakes me to the core.
While sleeping I have the strange feeling of someone
sleeping next to me. I am sleeping on the ground and
someone decides to put their sleeping bag right next
to mine. I firmly tell the person that they are too
close.

Well, the problem is that this was a dream. An
incredibly realistic dream where I clearly see the
persons sleeping bag. I don't know it is a dream but
in the process I actually do wake up to find myself
sleeping next to Ieva (a Capricorn female - marvelous
creature) in the back of my dad's pickup truck which I
had borrowed to tow my car back. It takes me a long
time to sort out what is going on and I have a very
strange sensation in the pit of my stomach. "Reality,"
sleeping in the back of the pickup, just doesn't seem
as real as the sensation I had had of sleeping on the
ground and I am not quite sure which world to believe.

6/23

I've now experienced the "other side" of a deja vu.
Deja vu is the lesson for the week - confirmed because
after having the thought, Crosby Stills Nash and
Young's "deja-vu" comes on the radio. I have a glimpse
into the second attention which part of me knows is a
look into the future. Now I will be on guard and
waiting for the deja-vu to occur so I can connect the
thought with the future situation.

The problem with seeing glimpses into the future is
that the visions don't make a lot of sense without the
context of your future knowledge. Any interpretation
of them will be handicapped by that lack of knowledge.
It is like watching a small scene near the end of a
movie. You really don't know it's significance unless
you watch the whole movie.

Let me clarify a few things. I am convinced that we
have the ability to "see" the future, or at least our
second attention has the ability to "see" the future.
The first time I realized this was when I had a very
realistic dream about standing on a shore of a large
blue lake. Sometime afterward I found myself at the
lake in my dream (the finger lake at Watkins glen) and
was shocked and amazed at how similar the dream vision
was to the actual situation. What I don't know is
whether we are able to "see" all the future, which
from a physics standpoint seems rather implausible, or
just at certain moments where a "worm hole" may exist
in time.

I am convinced that most dreams or second attention
thoughts of the future are completely ignored because
they just don't make sense. They can't because we
don't have the future context or future "tonal" in
which the thought can make sense. Exceptions are
places such as the lake. A lake is a lake. A situation
is something completely different. Oh my god. I just
had a very interesting thought. It is quite possible
that the deja-vu I experienced is the moment when my
"context" or tonal had "evolved" to the point where
the past memory of the future situation could finally
make sense.

Analogy follows - Suppose you are a teacher in a very
large classroom. One of the students is muttering over
and over "set the box on top of the flame." This
nonsense makes no sense at all so you ignore the
little brat. Sometime later the pizza you ordered
shows up. The delivery boy is smoking a cigarette. You
inform him that he isn't allowed to smoke in school so
puts the cigarette out - in the trash can. This starts
a fire. Oh my god, how do I put it out? All of a
sudden you have an insight, your "tonal" has evolved
to the point where the kid's mutterings make sense and
you put the pizza box on top of the trash can to
deprive the fire of oxygen. These "mutterings" or
second attention thoughts occur all the time. They
only make sense when your "tonal" has evolved to the
point where they are capable of making sense.

Seeing into the future with any accuracy can only be
accomplished if a warrior lifes impeccably. To be an
impeccable warrior there is no such thing as an
"unpleasant reality" there is only challenge. If you
are not "seeing" into the future that simply means
that you are not living "impeccably" in the future.
That is the key. If you have power in the future, it
is a trivial matter for your present being to "sense"
that and even be "guided" by your future self. This
may sound far fetched but it is one of the keys to
sorcery - life is recursive. Power and knowledge from
the future can seep into your present life - but only
if you have power and knowledge in the future. The
only way to get power and knowledge in the future is
to start living impeccably now, which can be guided by
your future power and knowledge. If you are not seeing
into the future that simply means you are a toad in
the future instead of a warrior. All that can change
of course. What an incredible opportunity. Make it so.

6/30

Recap of the past week. HA-HA now I have a foot dream.
I'm rock climbing and look down at my feet and I am
surprised that I am not wearing climbing shoes. I'm
barefoot, but that is ok because I am able to stick my
big toe into holes in the rock. I have a few more hand
dreams after this so it doesn't seem that we have
completely switched themes.

It has been 2 weeks since I have done any plant yet
last weekend I managed to perform a sorcerers feat by
"finding" someone. I rarely go out with friends but
last weekend I decide to. Fate has me missing them.
They are somewhere in State College, PA. I decide to
go to the bar that Chad says he will be at but he's
not there. I walk around a bit but there is know way I
am going to be able to find them logically, the town
has way too many bars and restaurants. I am actually
in my car leaving town when I have an insight. I park
my car and walk down the sidewalk by an outdoor cafe.
All of a sudden someone calls my name. It is Ed,
walking up the sidewalk who seems rather surprised to
see me (I'm hardly ever in town on the weekend). He
informed me that he saw Chad at the deli, a restaurant
on the other end of town. Task fulfilled.

I have an amazingly strong memory of a childhood
event. It is so realistic that I now know that this
recapitulation stuff is something that is feasible.

7/6/99

I've spent a good deal of the day "consolidating my
gains" and looking back on the past few months. I
haven't done Salvia for 3 weeks. I'm not sure why this
is so. I have learned a great deal from the "layoff"
though. One of the "questions" I have about the plant
is whether it is sorcerer "prozac" in that when you
stop using it you revert back to a "stupid" state.
This doesn't seem to be the case. It's all about inner
silence, and getting your "tonal" used to the idea of
not talking to yourself as much as it used to. There
is so much energy available to you when you don't
spend so much on that incessant babbling. I can't
begin to describe how "rich" life is in comparison to
my "past" existence. And the best part is that I still
have my wits about me. Not like those born again
Christian types who walk around "high" on inner
silence (which they ascribe to god) but you can tell
their reasoning ability is right out the window as
they walk around with those beatific smiles on their
faces.

The past few days I've been having interesting dreams.
I've been spending time "talking" to people in my
dreams. This is something new for me. In one dream
there is a girl who just looks so different from all
the other people in my dreams that in hind sight I
realize she was a scout. I "saw" the energy in her. It
was sort of a slight bluish cast superimposed upon the
picture like image that "looking" at the world
provides. I have a conversation with her and she is
very verbal and eloquent. At one point she is quoting
long lines from Shakesphere - which surprises me
because I don't know any Shakesphere, so it doesn't
seem to something generated from my tonal.

7/8/99

Amazingly realistic dream. I am driving north to find
a new climbing area. I am fascinated by the scenery
and the weather. It is cloudy and foggy but at times
the sun peaks through in brilliant golden rays. It is
flat country so I don't entertain much hope of finding
any cliffs. However, in a small town I find a tall
waterfall with a building at the top. I go into the
building and walk up a stairs. This stairs is sort of
scary as the railing is low, and the stairs are
exposed sort of like a catwalk. I need to maintain an
extraordinary amount of attention (for a dream) to
traverse the stairs without falling. I end up in a
school with classes in various rooms. Strange. Then my
brother shows up. I start to quiz him as to how he
found me but he is very tired and wants to go to
sleep. I declare to him that I am going outside to
look for a cliff and put my shoes on (I don't remember
taking them off). By mistake I put on one of his shoes
on my left foot. This is obviously the part of the
dream where something is trying to point out my hands
and now my feet. Particularly since when I take his
shoe off I find there are 2 of his shoes on my left
foot. Impossible in real life, but again I am too
stupid to realize that I am dreaming. I remember
looking at a map and the location of this mythical
climbing area I am trying to find. The interesting
part about this is that I "remember" in the dream that
this location is the same one I have had in other
dreams and I even state it out loud. I feel that this
connecting the memories of other dreams within a dream
is somehow very important to develop my dreaming
attention.

7/10/99

I remember the thought that triggered the deja-vu I
had before my trip where my car broke down. The
thought was a series of images and thoughts sort of
superimposed into a collage. I remember having it
quite some time ago but of course it made no sense
then because the context in which the thought could
make sense did not exist back then. But it is
definitely the same thought. The thought makes a lot
more sense now as my context has evolved with time.

7/21/99

Many interesting dreams. Wonderful dreams. I paint a
picture in one dream. Luscious gold, silver and black
brush strokes on canvas. I like the painting. I've
been having dreams where I move and feel myself move.
Gravity, body position, pressure, touch - I seem to be
exercising my dreaming body. Or better put - something
akin to the force that keeps pointing out my hands
seems to be putting me in positions where I am
exercising my dreaming body.

I learn the difference between the right and left eye.
The left eye is not just for looking at the world but
also for feeling it. The difference between the left
and right is so clear cut. Close the left eye and the
energy I feel is a self contained circular energy that
doesn't extend beyond my boundaries. Close the right
eye and the energy I feel is something that shoots
outward connecting me to the world.

7/24/99

Last night I experience a total change in levels of
awareness. It starts with this bizarre
cracking/popping sound at the base of my windpipe. I
immediately recognize this as the sound that Carlos
described in one of his books. I'll have to look it
up, but I think I remember he explained that sound as
happening before his double came out. I think he
explained the sound as that of a twig snapping
although my first impression is that of a high speed
arrow hitting a target. With a little more exploring
of the sound, part of me is convinced that the sound
has a tone to it like a quick high note on a trumpet.
Anyway, this sound was so powerful and unique it
completely catches my attention.

After I explore the feeling a little bit I am sort of
at a loss as to what to do next - for I now have the
feeling that I a sort of free of something that was
confining my perception and I am now free do do just
about anything. It is sort of like being at the gate
to Disney Land with a free pass to go and do anything
I want. I can go piss on Mickey if I feel like it. The
problem is, I don't really want anything. Part is
detachment, part is timidness at the newness of this
experience. Whatever the cause of my lack of desire,
power has dictated that this "gift" must be played
out. Something "ushers" me into what seems like a
separate "room" in my brain. For lack of a better
phrase I'll call this the "genius" room. This is not
really a room but more like a gigantic three
dimensional, brightly lit and colored cavern.

In here marvelous things are going on and something is
definitely showing off for my benefit. I realize that
this is the place where the source for my creativity
resides and this part of me is quite pleased that I am
there as it wants to show off. In part of the room
amazing 3 dimensional objects or movies with vivid
colors and textures are being rotated, manipulated and
changed. I under stand the message which is something
like - "look at my abilities, I can do this." I am
quite impressed by the sheer computational power
required to "render" such visual objects. In all parts
of the room the surfaces are alive with texture,
color, sound and "other" qualities that have meaning
for me but I just can't describe them. In this room
all sights, sounds, smells, thoughts, feelings, and
every other way of perceiving are interchangeable in
the blink of an eye - yet they all seem to be part of
the 3-d structure of the cavern. A wall can turn into
words or shapes or sounds. Yet it is all basically the
same thing and everything in there is sort of
constantly vibrating with activity or potential. And
everything is held into place with some sort of
attractive, pulsating energy. There is a TV screen
here and there and on any one of them I can play back
memories of my life is complete detail. I explore this
place not seeking to interact with anything for this
is merely my first visit and I'm just trying to get a
feel for the place. I move by zooming in and out, left
or right, up or down. A most efficient way to get
around. In one part of the room I start to receive
answers to a question or intent that I voiced a few
days ago.

Fifteen years ago while camping out at Craters of the
Moon park in Idaho, I was visited by 3 Indian spirits.
It was a terrifying real vision and a true
hallucination as the Indians were there whether I
opened my eyes or closed them. At the time I was
scared shitless by this. My feelings after the
experience was something like "well this Castaneda
shit frankly leads to stuff that is far scarier than
anything I ever want to deal with again." Even though
I scared out of my mind at the time, part of me had a
conversation with them in a language that
unfortunately the part of me writing this didn't
understand. Recently I have been intrigued with the
possibility of trying to figure out what they were
communicating to me.

In this part of the room I hook into long visions of
places, feelings and journeys that these Indians and
their people encountered. I understand the "intent" of
these people and how that intent was passed down
thought the years. I now know that when these Indians
talked to me they were actually conveying all of this
information and feelings to my "genius room" where it
has been faithfully stored. Really cool, eh? Perhaps
someday I will go back to this part of this room and
explore some of these memories in more detail.

7/30/99

Lately I've been having "feelings" about this
recapitulation nonsense. I suppose it's not nonsense
after all. Recapitulation is something that part of me
has been fighting against very effectively. Part of me
just didn't think it was worth beans. I now know
different. I've had the certainty lately that my
entire energy structure has been shaped by my past. I
also have the certainty that I can change this energy
structure to enhance my being. I'm not sure
recapitulation is completely necessary, as I believe
it is possible to change your energy configuration
without it. I do realize there is a catch-22 at work
here. In order to have the power to change your energy
configuration, recapitulation is probably the best
option. This isn't going to stop me from trying to do
it directly however.

7/31/99

Sorcery takes time. You don't just say to yourself
"well I'll try this sorcery stuff for a while.

Creating a Journal and writing in it is one of the
things that you do to "trick" your "tonal" into
realizing that sorcery DOES take time. By having a
Journal you are able to "keep" a long thought. It will
help you remember - and remembering is everything.
Fabulous things happen to us all the time. Our problem
is that we "forget" about them.

Laughter is one of the few overt sorcery practices
that is socially acceptable. (more on this later)

"Not-Doing," a form of "stalking," is the act of
"creating" a new line of words (modifying your tonal)
to create a new way of viewing any situation, or for
that matter any object. This is a way to change your
feelings about a situation or object. You can reclaim
energy this way. When you have the perspective of
"two" different "realities" about something, you
become "free" from the life-sucking "feelings" we have
toward that something. Not doing is a way to do
recapitulating for your "present" tonal.

Now I know why the blue entity that visited me in a
dream was quoting W. Shakesphere. That colorful
eloquent flowing of words that makes Shakesphere
different from the English language yet similar is a
form of not-doing. Shakesphere must have been a
fabulous sorcerer.

The breathing exercise you do during recapitulation is
a way to use inner silence to "erase" your tonal, your
doing, or your inventory of past events. I enjoy the
breathing, but I'm not sure it's necessary. All you
really have to do is focus on the thought or object
and maintain inner silence. This accomplishes the same
thing. Think of recapitulating as Not-doing in your
past.

8/1/99

Another hand dream. I decide to enter into a bike race
(in my dream), although it is just for the exercise
and something different to do. My dreams lately are
just so non-dream-like in that they have lots of
continuity and are lacking in any real weirdness. I'm
definitely living a life in my dreams very similar to
my waking life. In the dream I need to use a bike pump
to put air in my tires. Of course the tire pumping
doesn't go well so I have to spend lots of time using
my hands to manipulate the valve. I'm really starting
to get a handle on how "different" these hand portions
of my dreams are from the rest of my dreams.

8/2/99

Last night I sort of canceled my intent to no longer
have super realistic dreams. I didn't expect anything
to happen. HA HA. This morning I have a whopper, my
third dream that my every day awareness gets dragged
into. I cannot believe the length of this dream. The
dream started with me in the house of a friend, Ieva
(a Capricorn woman). Before the dream I woke up early
in the morning and had many insights into a book about
Capricorns that I am writing. Perhaps that is why Ieva
was in this dream. Anyway, I was in Ieva's house and
we were having a great conversation but it was very
late at night (actually very early in the morning but
I sleep through the morning). I am very tired and Ieva
lays down a sort of a mat for me to sleep on. I take a
very short nap (in the dream) but I have to get up
because Ieva's husband is coming home as well as a
whole bunch of people for a party. I get up but my
body is very tired and every thing I do is a great
struggle. I interact with the people at the party but
am very tired and need to go home. Some how I get in
my car. At an intersection, I find myself having tons
of trouble trying to use my feet to find the pedals. I
can't seem to find the clutch to put the car in gear.
I am rather embarrassed at this and hope the cars
behind me pass me. After I get the car going I make a
left because my car is in the left lane. My driving
instinct told me to go right but I figured I would
turn around later. Then something very strange
happens. I get rather totally lost and somehow I have
a feeling I am much farther from my house than I
imagine. I end up on a collage campus driving my car
on some rather crazy roads. I park my car and wander
around the campus, going into buildings. I end up in
sore sort of gymnasium as I am in a locker room with
basketball players and then in a room with wrestlers
practicing. Later I am wandering around the campus
when I come to the strange realization that I am in
Virginia (the signs every where that say Virginia was
the tip off) and not Pennsylvania. This must be
Virginia tech as it is a very new open campus (no big
trees yet).

Somewhere at his point my everyday awareness enters
this dream. Everything is incredibly realistic and my
everyday awareness is clueless that this is a dream.
The result of this is that my everyday awareness
really sort of freaks out because it finds itself
outside somewhere in Virginia with no clue how it got
there. This sensations is amazing. I remember thinking
to myself "how the hell did I get here?" My mind goes
through all the possibilities. Do I have amnesia? Did
I sleepwalk? Sleep drive? Kidnapped? Did I somehow
pull one of those Castaneda tricks and transport my
physical body here. I can't tell you how amazed I was
to be in Virginia. Thank god I have no pressing
engagements. My friend Ed has just moved to Va Tech so
I figure out my best option is to try to find him.
Someone in the crowd of people a guy talks to me. It
is a very weird character with a non-human voice
(obviously a scout). I ask him where the outing club
building is (Ed is a climber, maybe he has his number
on a bulletin board for climbing partners). The weird
character points to a group of buildings. Then
something strange happens. I see the group of
buildings in the distance. Only those group of
buildings were in Illinois. Everything was flat over
there (not hilly like where I am at) and there was a
sign that said "welcome to Illinois State Univ." This
is very perplexing to me because I am in my everyday
awareness and don't realize that I am dreaming. I am
starting to have a great insight (most probably it was
going to be "hey, I'm dreaming"). Just then I wake up.

Now I again have the strange sensation of being awake
for hours when I get up. I decide that this sensation
is an unavoidable by-product of these dreams so
instead of hating it, or avoiding it, I decide to deal
with the sensation. After some time to reflect, I
decide the sensation is no big deal.

This isn't the only dream I had that night. Earlier I
had a strange dream that I barely comprehended. I have
the certainly that my dreaming attention may have made
a trip to the "genius room" and was trying out some
things it learned there. I have the thought that to
understand this either I'm going to have to get quite
a bit smarter or I am going to have to dumb down my
dreaming attention.

8/6/99

I now know why my typing is full of mistakes sometime.
In the past my second attention was relegated to the
role of typist and did quite a good job because it
knew how to type. Right now, my second attention is
helping to write this so it is only able to throw in
typing ability in bits here and there - multitasking
so to speak.

When a sorcerer steps out of his tonal, that event is
usually characterized by a smile.

8/8/99

Another night of amazing dreams. This may have been
precipitated by my following along with the new
tensegrity tape I have (unbending intent) right before
bed. When I first looked at this tape I was a little
disappointed because it seemed much more like aerobics
than the previous tapes. After following along I
cannot deny the tremendous energy boost I receive
through these "aerobics." The light, aerobic-like mood
of this tape is also a welcome relief from the heavy
somber mood of the earlier tapes.

Anyway, the dreaming starts off with a marvelous
lesson in the position of the assemblage point. I
vividly follow switching with tremendous control
between several positions of the assemblage point.
Some of these positions are the positions of dreams,
some are positions of my awake state. The resulting
sensation is that of rapidly moving from dream to
dream but with a feeling of continuity. One position
in particular, that of "car mechanic" is quite
instructive. The last 2 weeks of July were spent doing
nothing but fixing my car (putting in a new engine).
As a result I seem to have acquired a new assemblage
point position which consists of a steel gray world of
wrenches, bolts, the smell of oil, and how you take
parts off of a car and put them on. I am not sure
exactly what is teaching me about this but some force
seems to be behind it as each new world I enter seems
to been chosen to highlight to myself that my reality
consists entirely of the position of the assemblage
point. I haven't done any plant in a while so I don't
feel it is the plant entity. Perhaps it was a creation
of my genius room.

When I wake up after this dream (or more correctly a
controlled shifting of assemblage points) a
thunderstorm is in the distance. Maybe that had
something to do with the rapid shifting of assemblage
points.

After I go back to sleep, I have another dream where I
am driving to a familiar place (familiar to my
dreaming). My car runs off an unusually high shoulder
and becomes stuck and stalls. I try to start my car
but it doesn't want to start. At this point the dream
becomes more vivid and I have the feeling that I am
tired and need to wake up. I shake off my grogginess
and low and behold my everyday awareness enters into
the dream. The result is again I don't have a clue
that I am dreaming but have suddenly materialized into
my car. I don't have time to ponder this situation
because a thought comes to me, a certainty, that I am
actually dreaming. I find this thought completely
ridiculous because my senses tell me that I am not
dreaming. Three is just no way that this is a dream! I
feel that I am in my car with the same vividness that
I feel I am here typing this sentence. There just
isn't a clue that this is a dream. As a test though I
close my eyes with the thought that "if this is a
dream, when I open them I will be back in my bed." Lo
and behold when I open my eyes I am laying in my bed.
Part of me is shocked, another part of me is "see, I
told you so."

I realize that I am going to have to come up with a
better way to tell when I am dreaming or I am going to
have learn to trust that voice - which I'm starting to
feel is the voice of the dreaming emissary.

Yet another powerful dream that night. I am in a house
with several woman including 2 very beautiful dark
haired twins. One of the twins seems very interested
in me but I don't return the interest because as I
walk through the house I am not sure which is which
(for some reason I want to write which witch is
which). Anyway, after it is time for bed the twin that
likes me visits my room through a secret passage in
the wall. The resulting encounter is one of the
strangest and most amazing things I have ever
experienced. The only way to describe the sensation is
one of intense love. The creature and I are face to
face. She is advancing slowly as I slowly back up. She
is telling my how much she likes me and I am doing the
same to her. Visually the sensation is amazing. That
coating or shield that seems to cover a person in
everyday existence is gone from both of us and energy
and thoughts can transfer directly between us. I
definitely go overboard in my praise for her. She
doesn't like this and recoils a touch. She is
obviously bidding for my awareness (the persurer) and
doesn't understand that I am not a stupid lump of
energy and am in turn bidding for her awareness. I
immediately stop the attention, laugh and show
absolutely no interest. She likes this even less - and
the dream ends. I awake from this dream with a feeling
of a tremendous energy boost.

I am quite pleased with myself that I could feel such
profound love yet without losing even an iota of my
free will and independence. I now know that a
warrior's greatest accomplishment is to be able to
feel profound love without being captured by that
feeling. A year ago I would have thought this a
terrible state of affairs and unnatural. Now, I live
my life without any judgments so I couldn't give a
fig.

8/16/99

The other day I posted this on the bbs.

"The first prong is to eliminate all want from your
life. The second is to develop a taste for your own
awareness."

That thought came straight out of the second attention
and it is only recently that I realized that it
doesn't mean what I thought it means. It means exactly
what it says.

On the occasions that I have entered into a dream with
my everyday awareness, upon waking up I experienced a
very strange sensation. Aside from the feeling that I
had been awake for hours there was a sort of strange
taste in my mouth that sort of felt like I had drank
way too much water and there was a strange very
slightly sweet-soapy taste in my mouth. I hadn't
really noticed the taste that much but now I realized
that the taste had actually bothered me quite a bit. I
had thought that I was bothered by the bizarreness of
actually entering a dream with my awareness or the
feeling of being too awake but I now know without a
doubt that it was the taste that bothered me. And the
only reason it bothered me is because it was something
completely different.

The last time I entered into a dream with my awareness
I had the taste again but instead of being bothered by
the sensation I had the presence of mind to simply not
care (it really is a wonderful tool, not caring).

Guess what. The taste is now here even though its been
a few days since I did the everyday awareness in the
sleep state thing.

I am getting the strong realization that that taste is
actually my awareness. Or better put the awareness
that previously had been denied to me.

I don't know why it is manifesting itself as a taste.
It might be a splendid lesson that by focusing on this
taste, which is the taste of my awareness, and liking
it, I am holding on to this awareness instead of
letting the flyers have it.

Quite plausible and quite a marvelous lesson. I hadn't
learned the value of awareness - and I really didn't
even know what awareness WAS until I had those
experiences of entering into a dream state with the
full awareness of everyday existence. Now I value
awareness A LOT. The taste is either a generation of
my teacher to act as a metaphor for awareness for me
to focus on liking, or it is an actual physical
manifestation of increased awareness.

When I go to sleep tonight I very soon have a very
powerful dream event. Out of the ordinary I go to
sleep on my stomach. Very shortly I have a dream in
which my everyday awareness enters the dream and wakes
up because my hands are numb because of the position
they are in. I struggle with great will to move my
body position and shake out my hands. Just then I wake
up and I am sleeping on my side. But I thought I was
already awake! And I have the feeling I have had this
exact same thing happen to me before, only now I have
the extended awareness to remember it. I lay there
very very confused for quite some time.

While in this state an answer to the taste question
presents itself. I focus on the taste and the taste
changes to another perception. This is a cylindrical
feeling of awareness surrounding my entire body. I
remember that in my genius room all my perceptions
were interchangeable. It is quite possible that this
feeling of awareness is so completely new to my being
that my perception simply doesn't know how to
characterize it and it came out as a taste for some
strange reason.

Oh my god - the last time I had this cocoon of
extended awareness was when I was a baby. And I am now
realizing that taste was the very beginning of my
tonal - the first sensations that I had thoughts
about. I liked some of the baby food, I didn't like
others. I liked warm milk not cold.

Taste is the only connection between my present tonal
and my earliest tonal. It was the only object of my
tonal that existed back when I had that extended
awareness and the only possible sensation that my
present tonal could relate to. Wow.

Time to elaborate. With the flyers gone my "glowing
coat of awareness" has grown back to the proportions
it had when I was a baby.

It's like growing another arm. I don't have a tonal
for the existence for another arm but the perception
that something is there is there. If you were to grow
another arm you would not feel that arm as another arm
because the tonal for a third arm does not exist.

The only part of my tonal I had back when I had this
extra awareness was the tonal for taste. It was the
first time that I became aware of the world around me
- I liked certain tastes and I didn't like others (I
particularity hated the green pea baby food).

Now I have this new sensation which is sort of like
having a feeling or perception from a new sense organ.
The only problem is my tonal has absolutely no clue
how to use or even feel this new sensation. However
the sensation is not new to me or my tonal because I
actually did have it before as a baby. The only tonal
I had when I was at that age was the tonal for taste.
Therefore the only recourse for my present tonal to be
able to assign this new (old) sensation to is the
sensation of taste.

Taste was the first perception that my tonal evolved
to understand. When I was a baby, I probably had taste
for many other sensations but they were quickly
converted into other areas as my tonal expanded.

I have to admit that taste is a rather dumb sensation
to assign to this new feeling and my tonal is working
on expanding to incorporate that sensation as
something a little more representative. This is the
cool thing about sorcery. We have an opportunity to
modify our tonal or mapping for the world into
something of our choosing rather than being stuck with
what was thrust upon us.

If a sorcerer wanted to, he could change the sensation
of having sex (which is merely your tonal's
interpretation of the perceptions received during that
act) into the sensation of eating a jelly donut. Sex
is a good example of something that would be easy to
change the tonal for because it is a relatively new
sensation - like the tonal for driving a car. All
perceptions are simply energy and are interchangeable.
Only our tonal assigns specific feelings or meanings
to them.

None of this has anything to do with the plant I have
been using but is the result of inner silence (which
the plant has graciously shown me how to achieve). I
only do the plant about once every two weeks now and
that is simply as an exploration into the other uses
for the plant.

8/17/99 - early in the morning, a dangerous time but
one filled with knowledge

You know the old sorcerers came up with some pretty
good names for things. After waking up well before the
usual time I wake up, I was just exploring new
positions of the assemblage point (no I can't explain
how I was doing that) when I came upon a rather
amazing but also rather frightening one. I was just
trying to describe the feelings my tonal had upon one
place in particular and the words I came up with was
"the place of no compassion." Just then I remembered
the phrase in the books "the place of no pity" which
was just as apt as the one I came up with. Another way
of looking at it is "the place with no feelings."

What exactly does this mean? For example, would you
ever go out and for some reason chop your neighbor's
dog's (lets say a cute little beagles) head off with
an axe? No. You wouldn't. Your tonal would be aghast
at the thought. At the place of no feeling you
wouldn't think twice. Why in the hell would you ever
want to go to that place? The place with no feeling is
also the place with no limits. All the knowledge that
is denied to the everyday position of the assemblage
point is readily available there. However, something
about being in that position quite frankly scared the
daylights out of me, and I don't scare easily these
days.

Now I know why people can become mass murderers or
serial killers. Somehow their assemblage points end up
at this position. However, they are not sorcerers and
have no control and they don't know that this is
happening to them. Now, I am not saying this place is
prone to murderous acts, it is just that this place is
not bound by any morals. Any goddamn stupid thought of
the second attention can become reality here and
because feelings have no existence here they cannot
guide you. They also cannot limit you.

The fact that all of us has this position is very
scary. It explains a lot about human behavior. I had
never understood how anyone could kill another human
being. If someone were to end up at this position (say
a postal worker, susceptible to the second attention
by constantly sorting mail) it would explain why they
could take a gun and shoot people.

Again, I am not saying this position is evil - it is
just that any bizarre intent that the second attention
happens to latch on to here gets acted upon with
savage, single minded directness. If a postal worker
is resentful of his boss and happens to end up here -
bang.

I am so glad that part of me has learned detachment -
not wanting anything. Detachment or not wanting
anything is the tonal's life jacket. It enables you to
visit the place of no pity and extract the knowledge
available there without becoming caught up in any of
the single mindedness the potentially morbid second
attention is capable of. You definitely want to visit
the place because the insights here are staggering,
but you do not want to fix the position of your
assemblage point here for any length of time.

That's all. I just had to say that. Now I am going
back to sleep. Oh but first - vitamin C is an
effective tool for strengthening the tonal, or the
connection to your normal position of your assemblage
point. I don't know how I know this tidbit, but it's
the reason that primates crave large doses of vitamin
C.